jakebywater

Posts Tagged ‘Urban Outfitters’

Either I’m Well Dressed, Good Looking…Or Quite Pale

In Uncategorized on 9 December 2008 at 22:47

Had to do a little clothes shopping after work this evening. Christmas meals/events are springing up left and right and I needed to update a few outfits in order to be appropriately dressed and festive.

Though I had already purchased a dress shirt and tie from H&M I was still making my rounds to other promising retailers nearby. A walk through John Lewis—the equivalent of America’s Nordstrom—was unsuccessful, as was Top Man—a mix between H&M and Urban Outfitters. The only store left between me and my chilly walk home was the very familiar Gap.

Unfortunately, a quick stroll to the back of the store completed my growing disappointment for a store I knew I could usually count on. Not a single tie in the store; not even a decent sweater on the tables.

As I was about to walk out, Jenny dropped a more-than-subtle hint that she wanted to try on a pair on jeans. I conceded. As some men know, this means that we are to stand awkwardly outside the dressing rooms, as there is rarely a resting area within. (If there is, we are thankful to rest ourselves upon the seat even though this does nothing to alleviate our unease.) Instead, we are involuntarily transformed into pseudo-stalkers and pedophiles trying as hard as possible to look busy or trying to overact a scene of eternal waiting while enduring the hostile glares of shopping women circling us erratically like sharks.

As I carried on such uncomfortable postures, an older lady who I had watched questioning an employee about an oversized sweatshirt passed me on my left. As she passed, I shifted a quarter turn towards her in order to glance at the dressing room with a look that innocently said, “I’m waiting for my girlfriend. Really.”

The old woman’s eyes opened wide as if surprised by my presence. Seemingly startled she exclaimed, “Oh, I thought you were a statue!”

Midway through my faked amiable and forgiving laugh I smelled what is not uncommon of shoppers in England—sweet, pungent alcohol.

How many of these intoxicated shoppers have I crossed paths with, sometimes at nine and ten in the morning? What a sight to her I must have been, a still, thin, young figure in a black winter pea coat (a Gap coat, at that!) simply turning towards her or rather ‘coming alive.’

Oh, how pale I must be!

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